Don't Ask Don't Tell Because We Don't Care
Almos three years in America, land of the free, and I am still amazed by the fear and homophobia rampant in great parts of this great country. Today, while attending an important meeting in my washroom, I read yet another story of a US Army soldier who was brave enough to tour Iraq and Afghanistan three times (!!) but alas his attraction to bulging biceps and hairy male chests (ok, some women have that too) got him kicked out, disgraced, from the armed forces. The story brought back vivid closeted and un-closeted memories from my own 5 year tour at the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) as an officer in a combat unit. No, I wasn't in the army's choir or orchestra, neither was I stationed as some General's secretary in a carpeted office, I did the real thing, dirty nails and all. As a young officer I joined an armored corps battalion and every few months rotated with my unit to another frontier: Gaza, Lebanon, the West Bank or the Jordan Valley. My unit was 95% male and was far removed from the liberals of Tel Aviv or the walls of academia. At first I was reluctant to share any details of my personal life and the constant nonstop use of colorful homophobic nouns (and verbs! Hebrew is a very creative language) all around me sure didn't help in coming out. But it was not the official policy that stopped me. The IDF has no policy on sexual orientation since 1992. More accurately put, the official policy is "Don't Tell or Do Tell - Who Cares?" (It was an old veteran, Yitzhak Rabin, who established this inclusive policy and the army never looked back since). As the army became my new home (defunct, not perfect, but still a home of sorts) and I grew closer to fellow soldiers my secretive life became less and less covert. As I met more and more army buddies in the gay cafes of Tel Aviv I slowly realized that not only no one really cares about my sex life, I am also not alone in my mary (yet butch!) gay ways. Gosh, I even met my first serious LTR boyfriend in the army. Different units and all but still in uniform.
One hot sunny afternoon, when only the desert flies were showing any signs of life, I approached my commanding officer, a sturdy battle-worn army colonel, and told him that my boyfriend is getting promoted tomorrow (oy vey, another gay officer) and I wanted to take a day leave to attend the ceremony at his unit. The colonel didn't even flinch and approved my leave with a wary smile. During the following weeks I shared my great secret with other fellow officers and the earth didn't shake, I didn't lose a single friend and even more, as the word spread, soldiers would approach me and share stories or ask for advice. Finally I was open and honest, breathing free air, and never once had a reason to regret. The army has a funny way of distilling the essence of people. Very quickly tight bonds are formed and at least in my experience, these bonds are based on what kind of a person you are, are you reliable, will you save my ass in dark nights, will you stand by me, and who cares if you also take a quick appreciative glimpse. True, effeminate soldiers are not always as lucky and the struggle is continues but at least it is at surface level and the system protects you.
Israel is not the most liberal or leftist country on earth. It has strong religious minorities with heavy political influence, endless Red Level security threats and a war at least once a decade. That is probably the reason that the IDF does not enjoy the luxury of disqualifying soldiers who do not enjoy the occasional Hooters issue or "College sorority girls gone wild" flick. Once everyone realized that, DADT became Don't Ask because Who cares?
Comments
Though I don't expect to be in the dirt, I want to be a medic, for either the military or the Red Cross. Just to get acquainted with that side, before becoming a civilian paramedic.